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This is one of the MSTs I did a while ago for Doctor Who, so it might not be very good. Oh well. I thought since we were on the theme of childbirth...well, enjoy! (you won't!)

BADFIC#4 “Daddy’s Girl”

 

Rose: I don’t like the sound of that one. Is my dad in it?

 

Doctor: I don’t think so. Apparently Mary-Sues are not only love interests, but also close family members.

 

Mickey: Does this mean you have offspring now?

 

Doctor: Grandchildren are much better.

Daddy’s Girl

Summary: Rose and the Doctor have a child,

ALL: NO!

but Rose dies during child birth.

Doctor: Yeah. I can go where they have medical technology beyond the suethor’s wildest dreams, and yet I can’t save my companion from dying of childbirth.

Rose: Maybe I refused treatment from household pets.

Doctor: Ah, one of my old companions…two…three…four are doctors, proper medical doctors, Id’ve taken you to one of them.

Rose: Which one?

Doctor: Probably Harry. Just to see the look on his face. And because he’s Bob’s favourite companion, you’d like him Mickey—you’d have a lot to talk about.

This is told from their daughters’ point of view, years later.

Mickey: Presumably from Jackie’s care, as she would have beaten you to death with a frying pan for letting Rose die.

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the show.

Prologue

Doctor: Sing in me muse, and through me tell the story of Jennifer, that daughter of the Doctor who, in her uncanonicty, destroyed the universe with a puff of logic.

Mickey: Classic.

I’m Jennifer Tyler.

All: Hi, Jennifer

Tyler is my mothers’ name.

Mickey: How many mothers do you have!?

My father doesn’t have a last name, or not one which he tells anyone. Not even me. It’s a secret.

Rose: *whispers* Super-duper-maxi-ultra-secret!

And that’s fair enough. I hope it’s worth keeping. But to everyone who isn’t him, it’s The Doctor.

My father’s a Time Lord, almost the very last one.

Doctor: THE last one, Suethor.

Mickey: Not according to the conspiracy theories.

Doctor: Really?

Rose: Yeah, they say that there’ll probably be a time lord in the next series.

Doctor: Hooray!

Mickey: They all say it will probably be some bloke called ‘The Master’…ever run in to him, Doctor?

Doctor: *Weeps*

He comes from a planet named Gallifrey, which is in the constellation Kasterborus. He travels through time and space in a big ship called the TARDIS, which looks like a 1950s earth police box, but it’s much bigger on the inside and can more or less defy all laws of time and space.

Mickey: OMG! What magical creative and original thoughts spew from the fleshy bulk of the Suethor’s brainless head!

Rose: Erm, Mickey…have you been reading ‘The Eye of Argon?’

Mickey: ……………………Mrifk!

She’s a beautiful ship; I can’t describe her so you’d understand.

Rose: Unless, of course, you’d actually watched the show.

 It’s kind of a Time Lord thing. See, I’m a Time Lord too.

Doctor: Yes, Sue-daughter, you graduated from the Time Lord academy, which was erased from time and space before you were even born, that makes sense.

Sorry if I’m going to fast for you. I’m not very good at this sort of thing.

Doctor: Then for the love of Rassilon, why are you doing it!?

My, mother was

Rose: A kidnapper of commas. She placed them randomly throughout the text whenever she felt like it.

Doctor: That must be why I let you die.

a human named Rose Tyler. She wasn’t supposed to love my dad and he wasn’t supposed to love her, and they certainly weren’t supposed to have children together.

Mickey: Even the author admits that her story makes about as much sense as a story written by Jim Theis.

A human/Gallifreyan hybrid? I shouldn’t even exist.

But I do. And that’s why she’s dead. Creating something which shouldn’t exist takes huge amounts of strain. She died during childbirth.

Doctor: *Twitches* Well, at least she’s come up with a suitable scientific explanation. NOT!

She only got to name me, “Jennifer” before her heart gave out.

Rose: Jennifer? No, Doctor—I said Hellbeast! Good god man, take the wax out of your ears for god’s sake!

The was 14 years ago, roughly.

Doctor: I’m a time lord. I can tell how old my own daughter is.

I’m grown up now, well, as much as I’m going to really. It was hard on my dad, raising me, but luckily I wasn’t too fussy and I wasn’t his first kid.

Doctor: Yeah, but my other kids were born in looms!

Rose+Mickey: What!?

Doctor: Never mind!

But I know I ruined it for him. I made Time Travel domestic, he doesn’t say anything, but I know I did. I’m sorry.

Mickey: Well that’s not good enough. Go have a time out in the most spleconius pit of Galflax!

Doctor: How do you know about the pit?

Mickey: Erm…I don’t, I just made it up—you mean there actually is a place called the most sple—

Doctor: Shut up.

I look like him, my dad, in a girl way.

Rose: She’s a girl?

He’s a very handsome man, tall, slim.

All: ELECTRA!

I’ve got his hair.

Rose: I keep it in a box under my pillow

Mickey: *aside* So that’s what’s in that box!

Usually with Time Lords, your first regeneration is a mish-mash of all your parents past regenerations, and when you regenerate it’s something different.

Doctor: Oh yeah, that’s exactly how it works.

I have my mum’s face though, and because she was human, I’ll always have it.

Doctor: It’s in the freezer disguised as a box of ice cream

I’m glad. My mother was beautiful.

So I’m not completely Time Lord, I’m only half. I have less regenerations, I’mless inquisitive and slightly more easily fooled than my father, but only a little.

Mickey: I’m also less likely to use the spacebar

Doctor: So how many regenerations does she have, six? Hmm… I’m sure if I get her into enough danger…

I have two hearts, but my left one is much smaller than my right.

Doctor: Yep, that makes perfect biological sense… NOT!

So I live with my dad, on this wonderful, beautiful, intelligent ship. And he teaches me how to work it. There’s a lot to learn, I don’t think even he knows everything about it. But that’s thing about the TARDIS, it’s a living creature, with a mind. It’s changing all the time.

Doctor: No, it’s a mechanical vessel with a soul, and I know everything about it.

So my dad teaches me about it. I’m not too good when it comes to controlling her, but I’m brilliant when she’s broken. I’m almost better than him, she prefers me when she needs fixing, see. He’s too manic; I’m a lot gentler, so she feels more comfortable with me.

Rose: Jesus, she’s making it sound like you raped the TARDIS!

Mickey: Well, you did take her against her will.

Doctor: She doesn’t have a will! I mean—oh, heh heh heh, I get it.

And there are those times, those times when I fix her up and he’s standing there beside me, with this huge grin on his face, watching. And he says

Doctor: “Please, God, take me now.”

Rose: “Jenny, everyone says you’re ugly and dumb and no one likes you,”

Mickey: “What’s this? NO! Wrong! Do. It. AGAIN!”

“Jenny, you’re a natural”. And he hugs me proudly and I laugh and we set the co-ordinatates for where we go next.

Doctor: *typing* Earth…Pompeii…17th of August…69AD

Mickey: Co-ordinatates?

But he doesn’t love me.

Because I killed the woman he loved.

Doctor: Which one?

Rose: All of them, I guess.

Doctor: Bummer. Well, at least I still have the men!

Mickey: Am I included in that particular group?

Doctor: Erm…hey, look, the story’s finished! We can leave!

Mickey: Doctor!

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
sushigal007
Mar. 30th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)
Haha, great MST. Yay for gratuitious Harry mention!
terrylj
Mar. 30th, 2007 04:48 pm (UTC)
You're too modest. That was hilarious.

My, mother was
Rose: A kidnapper of commas.


I'm getting funny looks from giggling too loudly in the office.
(Deleted comment)
palmetto
Mar. 30th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMS.

That was awesome. I shouldn't be giggling this hard at work.
neadods
Mar. 30th, 2007 05:38 pm (UTC)
Doctor: Which one?

My favorite line!
dave7
Mar. 30th, 2007 11:57 pm (UTC)
Rose: Yeah, they say that there’ll probably be a time lord in the next series.

Doctor: Hooray!

Mickey: They all say it will probably be some bloke called ‘The Master’…ever run in to him, Doctor?

Doctor: *Weeps*


*dies from teh laughter*
qtheallpowerful
Apr. 5th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
Fantastic and done in the true spirit of the greatness that is MST3K. Here I am, in the break room at work, litteraly laughing out loud. This is great. I am so scared that there's actually fic like this out there, but at least there are people like you to take it and roughly shove it back in its place under the pile of rotten dog dung in the dumpster, all while making us laugh.
sara_wolf
Apr. 12th, 2007 12:33 am (UTC)
Mickey: Presumably from Jackie’s care, as she would have beaten you to death with a frying pan for letting Rose die.

Snerk!

Brilliant MST.
purple_bug
Apr. 25th, 2007 09:48 am (UTC)
*giggle* Why have I never come across MSTs before? This is fab. And actually, I found the story on ff.net, read a little bit further out of morbid curiosity - you should do more. Seriously. She's given Jack a wife and three kids (Mickey, Reinetia and Vansfelta), the wife's name is Saffron (and I can't stop connecting that with Firefly), and for some reason she's extended Jack's name so he's now 'Jackson Harkness'... Really, do more :o) I wanna see Jack's reaction :oD
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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