here's the original fic, I DID enjoy it, it was weird and bizarre and full of parody, but I wanted to MST it anyway: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4202506/1/Do
Mystery Dream Theatre 8000
Meet the MDTers!
Jezebel – Leader of the pack
Tammy – Loser of the pack
David – Resident hippy
Alex – Taller and more sarcastic resident hippy
Mark – Depressed goth kid
Obi-wan Kenobi – Property of George Lucas
Qui-Gon Jinn – Property of George Lucas
Gabrielle – The house mother who’s had enough
Jezebel: *waking up* who-duma-wha?
Alex: Woah, where’d the bed go? *sees Jezebel* ARGH!
Alex: Why are you in my room??
Jezebel: Your room? This is my room!
*David walks in*
David: What’s all the noise…?
Jezebel: ARGH! *points* why are you in my room??
David: *looks around, sees some bean bags in the corner, walks over and flumps down* Not your room babe.
Mark: Get off me *throws David off him* Let me contemplate life in peace.
David: Don’t you even want a little hug? *tries to cuddle him*
Mark: Fuck off!
*Tammy appears out of nowhere*
Tammy: Okay, what just happened…?
David: Whathe… am I on acid?
Jezebel: Okay, I don’t know what’s going on, but can you all please get out of my room??
Gabrielle: *voice from no where* You’re not in your room, Jez.
Gabrielle: In fact you’re not even on Earth anymore! BWAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* aha…
Gabrielle: You’re now my prisoners aboard the Satellite of Chaos! Where I will be subjecting you to badfic from across the nation!
Gabrielle: *dejected* Have you guys never seen Mystery Science Theatre?
Gabrielle: Christ… Look, all you need to know is when the light on the wall goes green, some doors will open and you have to go to the theatre, read some fanfiction, and comment on it all the way through.
Jezebel: Erm… Don’t we do this on like... Thursday nights? At home? Why are we doing this here?
Gabrielle: Because this way there’s no fighting over the fanfic and I get to choose. And it’ll be horrific! BWAHAHAHAHA - *heave* I gotta quit doing that. *ahem* so! There’s food and beer –
*Alex races to the door*
in the fridge… um. And help yourselves -
Tammy: but I’m under-age, what will I drink?
Gabrielle: You’re in space, go nuts. The first fic will be along shortly.
Tammy: *beer appears in Tammy hand* That was weird…
David: No more weird than usual…
Mark: Oh good, has she finished?
Alex: *returning* There’s a whole hotel breakfast buffet out there! Look! *shows off tray of fruits and fried breakfast* It’s awesome!
Jezebel: Food? *gets up off the floor and runs to the kitchen* Holy crap! This is awesome!
Gabrielle: *coming back over the intercom* Just one more thing.
Gabrielle: Take care of these two, I found them under Mark’s bed and I haven’t decided what to do with them yet. *Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi from Phantom Menace appear* I figure you can use them for your own sexual needs.
David: How’s that going to work?
Gabrielle: What do you mean?
Alex: Well, David, Mark and I are straight, Tammy’s 14 and Jezebel isn’t even human!
Gabrielle: How did you know that?
Tammy: The wings gave it away, Gaby…
* Jezebel comes back with food*
Jezebel: Obi-Wan!!! *runs over to Obi-Wan and glomps him, leaving her food sitting mid air*
Jezebel: Oh wow you’re so much cuter in person!
Qui: What in Force’s name is this place?
Mark: *gets up* Okay, that’s it, I don’t know why you’re all here and why you’re being so fucking noisy, but please fuck off so I can go ba- wait, this isn’t home.
Alex: University’s going well for you then, is it?
Mark: Fuck off.
Jezebel: *still holding Obi-Wan* Will you sit next to me?
Obi: Do I have a choice?
Jezebel: No not really.
Obi: Then it would be an honour *To Qui-Gon* Master, who is this freak?
Qui: Do not be quick to judge, Obi-Wan, for that freak may become useful one day.
Obi: Yes master. Master? Why am I 25 again? And I thought we were dead?
Qui: Death, there is not. Only the Force there is.
Obi: Now you sound like Master Yoda.
Tammy: Hey, the light’s gone green.
Alex: Damnit… *grabs his tray of food and walks through the door, to a large theatre, with a screen at the front.*
Obi: *follows Alex, Jezebel holds on to him, the tray of food follows them*
Others: *Follow on, with beer.*
*All get seated on a sofa in front of the screen, order:
Alex, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Jezebel, David, Mark, Tammy. Jezebel’s tray of food has made its way to Tammy’s lap.*
Qui: So, what happens here…?
Alex: Got me, this is our first time too.
David: Who cares, let’s just kick back and go to sleep.
*screen turns bright white*
Gabrielle: Technical glitch! *screen turns back to... pale white*
Doctor Who and his FudgeMuffins
*Fudgemuffins appear in front of everyone*
Everyone: *munches on fudgemuffins*
“Crash, bang, wallop,” went the TARDIS™
Everyone: *ignores the fic and carry on eating*
“AAAAAAAAAAAAH!” screamed Donna, clinging to the TARDIS™ control panel as she was flung from side to side.
Alex: Oh God, they’re doing fanfic with her already?
Mark: If it exists, There will be fanfic of it.
Alex: I thought that was porn?
“Make it stop, spaceman! You alien nutter! What’s it doing?”
Tammy: Even in fanfic she’s loud!
“She’s making space love to me.
All but the Jedi: O_o
Mark: You’re right, it was porn.
Jezebel: I feel violated
Obi: What’s wrong with space love? And what is the Tardis?
Qui: Perhaps it’s some ill-conceived sex toy, Padawan.
Obi: I’m not a padawan
David: *lights up a spliff* it’s a spaceship.
And I like it.” The Doctor winked at Donna,
Alex: *sniffs* dude, do you have to smoke that here.
Tammy: We’re in space, normal rules don’t apply *steals the spliff and smokes some*
Jezebel: *finally able to speak* The Doctor… has sex?
whilst apparently enjoying the vibrations reverberating through the TARDIS™ floor.
Obi: Surely you don’t need to have TM after every use of “Tardis”
Mark: If you’re going to use TM like that then the writer may as well use it for each of the characters.
Alex: The Doctor’s having sex with the Tardis and you’re talking about TM??
Jezebel: The Doctor… has sex??
Qui: What is so strange about Aliens having sex?
Jezebel: But it’s the Doctor!!
David: The Tardis can have sex?
“Oh. My. God. I’m stuck, in a spaceship, with a horny Martian. You have GOT to be kidding me!” she said, with a disgusted look on her face. Suddenly the TARDIS™ reached her climax
Obi: *looks down at the fainted Jezebel in his lap* Master, now what do I do with her?
Qui: *thinks* enjoy it?
and came to an abrupt halt. The Doctor stood up and patted her interface lovingly. “Was that good for you?”
Qui: *as the Tardis* I’m a machine you idiot
David: Hey, machines have feelings too
Mark: *slaps David* Stupid hippy.
Alex: Shouldn’t he have a cigarette when he says that?
The TARDIS™ made an affectionate crooning noise, whilst swooshing her swoosher
Mark: Enough with the TMs! *starts crying*
David: *slaps Mark* stupid goth.
Tammy: *stoned* umm… swoosh me real good, yeah baby
Alex: Okay I know everything goes but whose stupid idea was it to let her smoke that thing?
Qui: *gets out his lightsabre and makes swooshy noises* What’s a swoosher?
(that big light tubey thing in the middle).
Alex: Thank you for clearing that up for us.
Obi: What tubey thing in the middle? *looks down at himself* There’s a girl in the way.
Alex: It’s not that.
Donna made for the exit, making sure to keep a good distance from the panting and flushed Doctor.
David: Tea’s a good cure for that.
He followed her outside.
Mark: Apparently he’s after more.
“Come on then. Tell me. Where have you landed us this time?”
David: The far reaches of the Montague galaxy
Qui: The dark side of Tattooine
Tammy: The fifth rainbow drop…
Alex: *takes the spliff off her* No more for you
Mark: *snatches it off Alex* Thanks.
Jezebel: *wakes up* Stop reaching over me!
Donna asked, impatiently. “Here, you’re going to need this.” The Doctor retreated into the TARDIS™
Obi: No more TMs!
Mark: What’s that now?
Alex: *snatches the spliff back off Mark and jettisons it off the satellite* There, a stoned hippy and 14 year old was enough, I don’t want a stoned goth as well.
and came out clutching
Qui: Master Yoda
Jezebel: Left over TMs
Obi: Master Qui-Gon’s glow in the dark lightsaber boxers!
David: *reaches over to look at Qui-Gon’s underwear*
Qui: I’m not wearing them right now!
Jezebel: So you actually have them?
the ridiculously large hatbox that Donna had brought with her. He thrust it into her arms.
Obi: Master what’s a hatbox?
Qui: Jezebel, what’s a hat?
Jezebel: *A baseball cap suddenly appears on Jez’s head*
Qui: It’s a box for one of those ridiculous things.
Obi: The thing on her head?
Qui: No, the girl.
Tammy: Are there anymore fudgemuffins?
David: I ate them all.
Mark: *depressed* what’s the point of anything?
Alex: *staring at Mark* Precisely why I didn’t want a stoned goth.
David: You’re no fun when I’m stoned.
Alex: You don’t stay stoned for long enough.
“Welcome to the Planet of the Hats!”
*Hats appear all around them*
Gabrielle: *laughing* What?
Jezebel : I think that’s it.
Qui: Padawan, I think this hat might look quite fetching on you.
Obi: *tries on the hat* Master I can’t see anything.
Mark: It might be better that way.
Alex: *hits Mark* stop being so depressed.
Tammy: Can we go now?