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Little Jack And The Big Bad Gwen 3

Jack: Oh, look, this chapter starts with porn.
Owen: Do we really have to read this?
Tosh: No. We don't. [pointed look at Jack, scrolls]

They were starting to drift off afterwards, entwined together, when a wail cut the air, and the TARDIS alerted him that Raiko was distressed.

Tosh: Alerted

The Doctor dived out of bed, pulling on a pair of pyjama pants he had long since learned to keep handy after a few embarrassing incidents with emergencies and screaming female companions.

Tosh: Dove.
Jack: For anyone who's interested, that's how I learned the Tardis walls aren't soundproof. I don't even want to know what you guys were thinking.

Ianto pulled his boxers back on, and was two steps behind him as they bolted into Raiko’s room, and both froze inside the door.

Ianto: Because if someone's in danger, freezing before you help them is a great idea.
Jack: You're inside the door? Kinky.

The child was on his back on the bed, every muscle locked as he screamed.

Owen: Sounds like some kind of seizure.

His back arched, and the Doctor broke his temporary paralysis, hurrying over to the bed.
Blue eyes were open, fixed unblinkingly on the ceiling as he screamed.

Owen: Definitely having a seizure.
Jack:  It says blue eyes, it doesn't say whose blue eyes. It might not be me!
Owen: Don't get your hopes up.
Jack: Can I get something else up?
Tosh: Jack!

“Raiko.” The Doctor called loudly, placing a hand on the little boy’s forehead. His skin was hot to the touch, damp with sweat.

Jack: [about to say something]
Owen: [quickly] Fever induced seizure.
Ianto: That can happen?
Owen: In children of that age, yeah.

“What’s going on?” Ianto asked, panic stricken.

Ianto: Because I don't know what a seizure looks like. [rolls eyes]

“I don’t know, he feels fevered.”

Jack: Oh, come on! He's over nine hundred years old and he's never seen someone have a seizure?

The Doctor pulled the stiff little body into his arms, stroking his hair. The screams petered out, and he relaxed as if strings had been cut, but his eyes were still unseeing, and the Doctor could feel him getting hotter under his hands.

Jack: I'd make a comment, but I have a feeling it wouldn't be appreciated.
Tosh: That's surprisingly tactful of you.

“Ianto, I’m going to get him to medical.

Tosh: I thought he was a doctor?
Jack: Wrong kind of doctor. That's just his name. The Doctor. And there's a medical room on the Tardis. [chuckles]
Ianto: I'd ask, but really, I don't want to know.

Can you go and wake Alistair up,

Tosh: His name is spelled right again.
Owen: It's a miracle!

ask him if he saw anyone give Raiko anything to eat that you or I didn’t hand him, it could be some kind of delayed allergic reaction, his metabolism works slower than ours.”

Owen: [gapes] ALLERGIC REACTIONS don't cause SEIZURES! They cause ANAPHALAXIS!
Jack: I'm HUMAN, therefore, I have a HUMAN metabolism.
Doctor: [wakes up, slightly confused, reads] I'm a Time Lord! I'm not a human! My metabolism is way slower than yours! [pause] And why am I in your lap?
Jack: [leers]
Doctor: [rolls eyes, gets his own chair, notices Ianto] Hello, you are...
Ianto: Ianto Jones. You're the Doctor, then?
Doctor: Yep. [looks Ianto over, to Jack] Could do worse.
Ianto/Jack: Thanks.

The Doctor paused in the doorway, Raiko cradled in his arms, and kissed him lightly.

Doctor: That's right, stopping in the doorway is a brilliant thing to do.

“It will be all right.” He promised.
Alistair was roused by the sound of someone hammering on the door,

Jack: Really? That's--
Doctor: It says 'roused'. As in 'woken'.
Jack: And the hammering on the door?
Doctor: Means knocking-
Jack: -nasties?
Doctor: [glowers]
Jack: [grins] How about knocking up?
Everyone else: [is embarassed by Jack]

pulling a robe over his pyjamas he flung the door open.
“What?” He asked grumpily, then he saw who was there.
“Ianto, what is it?”

Tosh: And again! One line. ONE LINE!!
Owen: Tosh, calm down before you burst an artery.
Ianto: So, who is this guy? The ex-head of UNIT?
Doctor: Correct.
Owen: You missed when the author kept spelling his name wrong.

“Raiko is sick.

Ianto: I thought he was having a seizure.
Owen: Author thinks he's having a bloody allergic reaction.
Doctor: And he's sick, too, apparently.

The Doctor sent me to ask you if you noticed anyone giving him anything to eat other than me or him.”
“Surely if it was something he had eaten this evening it would have happened before now?”
“Not necessarily. Please Brigadier.”

Tosh: Comma. And didn't he retire?
Doctor: Yes. Yes, he did.

“I believe one of the children was sharing sweets with him, in the TV lounge.”

Ianto: Didn't he [points at Doctor] say that he wasn't going to let Raiko out of his sight earlier?
Tosh: I think so, yes.
Ianto: So why wasn't he watching?
Doctor: You could've been watching, too.

“You didn’t see what, did you?”
“No, sorry. Do you want me to knock, and ask the parents what sweets their children had today?”

Doctor: And you call me rude? He's offering to go wake up random people in the middle of the night to see if they gave their kids candy?
Jack: I didn't call you rude, I called you cheeky. And you didn't seem to mind.

“No, don’t disturb them,

Doctor: Civilized. Alistair is civilized. Like that. [gestures]
Tosh: Don't make me tranq you again.

Jack had allergies to some sugars, when he was, you know, full size. It’s probably whatever sugar the sweets contained.

Jack: Owen, doesn't the human body have a lot of sugar in it?
Owen: Why, yes, Jack, in fact, DNA has sugar in it!
Tosh: Ah, but this Jack is an alien. God knows what he's made of.
Jack: Ianto knows, too.
Ianto/Doctor: [glare]

Thanks, I’ll let the Doctor know.”
“I’ll come with you, I’d like to make sure the little tyke is all right.”

Ianto: Jack, Doctor, you've been around, [Jack waggles his eyebrows] have you ever actually heard someone use the word 'tyke'?
Jack: Not recently, no.
Doctor: [sad sigh] On Gallifrey, we called our children Time Tots.
Owen: [snorts]
Doctor: [glares]

The Doctor looked uptv as they came into the medical bay.

Jack: [snickers]
Doctor: Oh, quit being a child.
Owen: [points in direction Gwen ran off] You can blame her.
Tosh: Also, what the hell is 'uptv'?
Jack [about the answer]
Tosh: Nevermind.

Raiko was still now, his eyes closed, his breathing even, hooked up to an IV line. He was still flushed, but he didn’t look so bad.

Jack: Have I ever?
Ianto: You should see him before he gets ready in the morning. He's a mess.
Jack: Hey, you said you'd never tell! [wibble]
Ianto: [sighs, hugs him]
Jack: [smirk]

“There was a kid sharing sweets with him.”
“Poor little soul, as if it isn’t bad enough that he’s trapped on an alien world, not understanding the language, then he can’t even eat sweets with the other children.”

Doctor: That... doesn't sound anything remotely like something I would say.
Jack: I'm not an alien! I'm a human! I am a man!

The Doctor sighed, picking out a vial of something pink from a chilled cabinet

Owen: Like... a refrigerator?

and injecting it into the IV line. The last traces of the flush started to fade out as the drug more specifically target his allergy.

Owen: WHAT? You can't just--
Jack: This person thinks I'm an alien, do you really expect them to get the medicine right?
Owen: I shouldn't have. Life is much less disappointing when you're not optimistic.

“Of course he can, we get him sweets that have safe sugars in,

Tosh: Them.

and tell him he can share if he wants, but that he mustn’t accept sweets from anyone else. I know he’s OK with that chocolate you bring him from Rigus.”

Doctor: Since when do I bring you chocolate?
Jack: Since you're trying to court me, duh. Don't you know you don't have to?
Ianto: [possessively pulls Jack closer]
Jack: [smirks]
Doctor: [pointedly ignoring] And there's no such planet as Rigus.

“Have you noticed that he never gives any to any of you though?”

Ianto: Any of me? I am now a plural.
Doctor: I think I mean any of you Torchwood personelle.
Jack: [smirking] Torchwoodies.
Doctor: . . .I hate afterelton.

“Yeah. It’s not just because he likes it so much, is it?”
“No. Earth humans have something in their digestive system that converts the sugar in it into poison. He couldn’t share that.

Tosh: If Ianto already suspected that, why did he suggest Jack share it with other children?
Ianto: I hate you all. I want your children to burn.
Jack: Feeling extra emo today?
Ianto: [surreptitious glance at the Doctor] You have no idea.

There is one earth sugar he can tolerate, what the hell is it?” The Doctor mused, checking the heat still radiating from Raiko.

Ianto: Wait, didn't the 'last traces' of the flush fade out, therefore his temperature went down?
Jack: Well--
Ianto: Five, Jack. You're five in this story.
Tosh: He's not got a fever, and he's still radiating heat. He must be... a microwave.
Ianto: [facepalm]

“Dextrose, and cane sugar.”

Tosh: A second ago, there was only one Earth sugar he could tolerate.
Owen: DNA is made of a deoxyribose molecule, which is a type of sugar.
Jack: [sing-song] Alien.
Owen: [annoyed noise] Most aliens have DNA. Unless you're a non-carbon-based lifeform, I think you're made out of SUGARS.
Doctor: [pauses, then licks arm] Nope, not sweet.
Owen: [facepalm]
Jack: [leer at the Doctor]

Ianto realized, thinking back on the few sweets he ever saw Jack eat. Energy sweets, and anything Ianto baked with cane sugar.

Ianto: I don't bake. Also... [pulls energy sweet out of desk, reads] There are at least six different types of sugar in this.
Tosh: And the second 'Ianto' is redundant.

“All right, we can tell him not to take sweets off anyone else, and then we can ask the TARDIS to make him something that’s safe for him, and humans.”

Tosh: Second comma shouldn't be there.
Doctor: I didn't know the Tardis could bake. I should ask her about that later.
Owen: You talk... to your spaceship.
Jack: It's no different than Tosh talking to her computers. Except it's less creepy because the Tardis is sentient and can answer back.
Tosh: [blush]

Alistair looked up as they came in for breakfast the next morning.

Tosh: All these unannounced changes in scene and point of view are getting really annoying.

The Doctor was carrying Raiko, who still looked a little pale and listless.

Ianto: He was a little concerned that the gods wouldn't accept his sacrifice because of size and color, but he had to try, anyway.
Jack: You are twisted.
Owen: [mutters] He's dating you.
Jack: I heard that. [looks around] I wonder where Gwen is, it shouldn't be taking her this long. Owen, go make sure she's not dead.
Owen: Do I have to?
Jack: Yes. Go. [points]
Owen: [picks up gun again and stalks off, muttering under his breath]

“Excuse me, my little boy took a liking to yours yesterday.

Jack: Awww, he's got his first crush!

Would you mind if we took the little one to the beach with us today?”

Jack: Let's see how long this 'not letting him out of your sight' thing lasts, Doctor.
Doctor: Didn't I already fail?
Jack: I believe so. [smug]
Tosh: Hey, you got randomly lost in the mall because you were distracted by something shiny and you didn't understand 'stay put and we'll come find you'.
Jack: Well, aren't we snippy today.

A woman asked, coming over to the table. The Doctor looked up at her, mid thirties, kind eyes.
“Would it have been your little boy who was sharing sweets with him last night?”

Jack: [opens mouth]
Ianto: I will have sex with you at the end of this chapter if you resist temptation.
Jack: [snaps mouth shut]
Tosh: I can't take this anymore, I'm going to help Owen. [walks off]
Jack: One more for the road?
Ianto: No.

“Yes, why?”
“He’s allergic to a lot of sugars.

Ianto: [as woman] Really? And how does that work, then?

Please could you make sure your little boy doesn’t give him any more sweets.

Owen: Because children always do as they're told. [rolls eyes]
Doctor: Wasn't he really shy earlier? Why was he taking food from strangers, anyway?

Um, you know Raiko doesn’t speak any English, don’t you?”
“No, Timmy didn’t mention that.”
“Why don’t we all make go to the beach together, then we can make sure that no one gives him any sugar, and the boys can play.”

Jack: [resisting temptation]
Ianto: [pats his head (not that one)] Good boy.

“That sounds fine. It must be awful for him, not being able to eat sweets.”
“There are some that are safe, we just have to be very careful. Not much different from having a diabetic child really.”

Jack: Except that diabetic children need to have some sugar. And little me apparently can't have any.

“I suppose. What time would you like to head over to the beach?” She asked.
“Well, I want to get some food into him. Give us an hour?”
“Sure, that gives me time to try to make Timmy do his ‘what I did on my holiday’

Jack: [looks at Ianto pleadingly]
Ianto: [sighs] Fine. But just this one.
Jack: Aliens, Ianto, the Doctor--
Doctor: You wish.

homework for school.”
She grinned, glancing back at the sulky looking boy who had heard that.
“We’ll see you in the entrance in an hour then.”

Jack: [squirms]
Ianto: Be strong.

The Doctor laughed.
They got Raiko a light breakfast of dry toast, and water to drink, to avoid risking even the natural sugar in fresh orange juice when he was still so sensitive,

Jack: Not going after 'sensitive'...
Doctor: And he wanted to avoid the sugar in orange juice, despite the fact that there's sugar in toast, too.

and settled down to eat.
//Did you like the little boy you met last night?//

Jack: See how I'm not making a comment about pedophilia?
Ianto: Yes, I do.

Ianto asked him as he picked at the toast.
//Timmy nice. Not make me feel bad not understanding him.//

Jack: I'm not even talking in English! And wouldn't the Tardis translate for me?
Doctor: Yes, she would.

Raiko said, finally putting some of the toast in his mouth and starting to chew.
//So you are happy to go and play with him today?//

Jack: [closes eyes]

 The Doctor asked, stroking the dark hair that rested under his chin.

Ianto: It sounds like you have some kind of weird beard.
Jack: [coughs 'Rose']
Doctor: What was that?
Jack: [innocent] I said nothing.

Raiko leaned into him.

Jack: Ianto, I don't know if I can do this whole 'no innuendo' thing.
Ianto: Just a little more.

//Yes.// He said, pushing the rest of the toast away. The Doctor pulled it back.

Jack: [whimpers]
Doctor: Just let him make a comment before he explodes.
Jack: [groans]
Ianto: I think you made it worse.

//Please, try to eat at least one whole slice.// He asked quietly. He felt the small chest heave in a deep sigh against his, but Raiko started eating again.
Ianto watched them quietly, finally getting an inkling of what the Doctor was reluctant to say.

Ianto: If I may say so, I'm very perceptive. I'm sure I would've caught on before now.

If Tosh couldn’t reverse this, there was no way it would be safe for Raiko to stay on this planet.

Doctor: Why? If he knows that he can't eat sugar, shouldn't he just stay away from it?

He looked into hazel eyes, and realized that the Doctor had followed his thoughts, reflected as they were on his face. He smiled faintly and dropped his eyes, he knew he was going to have to think about this, but not right now.

Jack: Sex now?
Ianto: Yup. [stands and heads toward Jack's office]
Jack: Be back in half an hour. [heads toward his office]
Gwen, Tosh, and Owen: [come out of nowhere; Gwen has the weevil on a chain and several cuts and scratches]
Gwen: Where'd they go?
Doctor: [points at office]
Gwen: [heads over]
Doctor: [winks at Tosh and Owen, eyes weevil] You're... not very pretty.
Weevil: [roars]
Doctor: Really?
Owen: You understand him?
Doctor: Her.
Owen: Oh.
Doctor: She says that she'd like you people to quit manhandling her and her family. [righteous fury] Why are you manhandling her and her family?
Owen: They eat people!
Doctor: Oh. [to Weevil] That's not very nice.
Weevil: [roars]
Gwen: [shrieks]
Doctor: [smirks]



Doctor and Donna
Doctor Who Mystery Science Theater

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