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Boobies! I mean, first MST

I wanted an easy one to start with, so picked a cliche fic. It's almost too easy. Features the Doctor, Sarah Jane Smith and a spoiler for Sarah Jane Adventures, although I don't go as far as to tell you how it happened. But you have been warned.


All is quiet in the TARDIS. Rose is gone, Donna is gone and nobody needs saving. The Doctor surfs the internet, bored out of his mind.
Doctor: No, I don’t want blue pills… no, I’m not giving you my bank details… no, I don’t want to see Britney naked… sod this, I’m looking for fanfiction.
He browses the net and pulls up a page. Suddenly, there is a flash of light and he looks up to see Sarah-Jane Smith standing before him.
Doctor: What?!
Sarah Jane: Oh Doctor, I’m too old for this.
Doctor: I didn’t do anything! *looks at console* Hmm, it seems like the TARDIS doesn’t want me to read this on my own.
Sarah Jane: What is it?
Doctor: Fanfiction. Will you read with me?
Sarah Jane: All right. But I need to be home afterwards.

Ok, i'm sure you've had enough of the Doctor and Rose having a baby stories but i couldn't resist!
Sarah Jane: You and Rose what?!
Doctor: It’s fanfic! I never touched her!
Sarah Jane: You’d better not have! She’s a child. You’re an alien. And you’re old enough to be her great, great, great…

Rose felt her stomach turn and she threw up in the toilet again. The burning taste of bile in the back of her throat made her retch. It was horrible. As soon as she thought the nausea passed she sat up and wiped her mouth. This had been happening very often recently. Her ending up in the toilet in the mornings and she had a dreadful idea of what it could mean. Well, not exactly dreadful, she was actually quite excited, hopeful even, but she had no idea how the Doctor would react. Would he throw her out of the TARDIS? Or would he be overjoyed?
Sarah Jane: …great, great, great grandfather.
Doctor: I’m not that old.
Sarah Jane: So how would you react if one of your companions was pregnant?
Doctor: I’d send them home, of course. Do you think I’m stupid or something?
Sarah Jane: You’re apparently stupid enough to shag someone young enough to be your great, great, great-
Doctor: Oi.
Sarah Jane: …great, great granddaughter and not use adequate protection.
Doctor: I don’t NEED condoms. Time Lords don’t reproduce that way.
Sarah Jane: What, really? How do you reproduce?
Doctor: Ah, that’s a secret. If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.
Sarah Jane: So are you… you know, anatomically correct?
Doctor: …
Sarah Jane: *tries not to laugh*

Rose decided that before she told him her suspicions she had better find out whether it was true. Now where could she find a pregnancy test? She doubted the Doctor kept them in the TARDIS. Maybe she should ask if they could stop off home and she could buy one whilst visiting her mum. Oh god! How would her mum react? She could be carrying a half alien baby! No, it would be better if her mum didn’t find out till it was born. Wait, she didn’t even know if she was pregnant, no point in getting ahead of herself.
Doctor: What does she mean, COULD be carrying a half alien baby?
Sarah Jane: Well, there is Mickey…
Doctor: *insulted* Mickey the idiot? Why would she want to shag him if she’s got me?
Sarah Jane: *glares* He’s a nice boy.
Doctor: *sulks*

Shakily getting to her feet, Rose wondered how she was going to get a test. Just at that moment, a small pen-like object appeared on the shelf above the sink. It was a pregnancy test. The TARDIS must have given it to her to help; well at least she knew the old girl was on her side. Rose picked up the object and knew what she had to do.
Sarah Jane: Oh that’s not fair, she never gave me tampons when I needed them.
Rose counted in her head, three minutes was what it had said, she was on her third sixty seconds. Fifty five…fifty six….fifty seven….fifty eight…..fifty nine….sixty! Rose took a deep breath, preparing to look at the small window…
“Rose? Are you in there?” a voice travelled through the door.
“Crap!” Rose cursed, nearly dropping the test in her surprise.
“Rose!” the Doctor sounded worried, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, fine, Doctor!” Rose replied too quickly. This concerned the Doctor even more. He knocked the door harder.
“Rose, I can tell something’s wrong,” the Doctor called. Rose snatched a look at the test and gasped. A blue line!! She was pregnant!
“ROSE!” the Doctor yelled, “I swear if you don’t come out know I will kick this door down!”
Doctor: No I wouldn’t. I know humans need to pee, I don’t want to watch it happen.
Rose ran to the door, it was now or never. She undid the lock and opened the door.
“Rose,” the Doctor looked very relieved at the sight of his blonde companion.
“Doctor!” Rose didn’t know where to start; she decided to just blurt it out, “I’m pregnant!” The Doctor’s eyes widened in shock.
“You what?!” he look so startled that Rose suddenly had a bad feeling about his reaction, “You’re…pregnant?”
“Yes!” Rose nodded vigorously, watching the Doctor closely.
“That’s…that’s….incredible….fantastic….amazing….phenomenal…” he paused and then said, “I’m going to be a dad!” Rose grinned.
Doctor: Again.
Sarah Jane: Pardon?!
Doctor: *hastily* Oh this was before I left Gallifrey.
Sarah Jane: Oh, that reminds me, I have some news for you. I’m a mum.
Doctor: WHAT?!
Sarah Jane: It’s long, I’ll tell you later.
Doctor: You can’t just tell me that and expect me to-
Sarah Jane: *death glare* You left me in Aberdeen and let me think you were dead. You can sodding well wait!

“Yeah, you are gonna be a dad, Doctor,” Rose laughed as he began jump around the TARDIS, “But before you get too excited, I was wondering if Time Lord Pregnancy is any different to human.” The Doctor stopped his bouncing and put on a poker straight face.
“You are going to start growing hair out of your ears and your head will swell to twice its size,” he deadpanned.
“WHAT?!” Rose yelped.
“Only kidding, you humans are so gullible!” the Doctor smirked at her reaction.
“Ooh, you are evil!” Rose punched him on the arm, “But, seriously, nothing’s different?”
“No, exactly the same,” the Doctor smiled, “Unluckily for you.”
Doctor: …I have two hearts. Count them, two. I’m not human. I regenerate. The biology is all different. Seriously, there’s gonna be issues.
“Well you better look after me then, as it’s your fault this happened,” Rose told him, leaning on the TARDIS console.
“My fault?!” the Doctor gawped, “I think you’ll find it takes two to tango!”
“Whatever,” Rose conceded, “But I still think we are gonna have to cut down on all this saving the world stuff unless it’s an emergency.”
Sarah Jane: When is saving the world not an emergency? What does she want you to do, ignore the spaceships full of Sycorax hovering overhead and massage her feet?
Doctor: Apparently, yes.

“Emergency? What do call all the stuff we’ve done before then, a bit of fun?” the Doctor raised an eyebrow.
“No, I thought you just went looking for trouble, as like a hobby,” Rose grinned, “Anyway, you know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do,” the Doctor smiled tenderly at her, “Lots of TLC for you and not all those mean nasty monsters trying to bite your head off.”
Doctor: There’s an easy way to stop that happening. You go home, I go and save the world.
Sarah Jane: Doctor, she’s carrying YOUR baby.
Doctor: And assuming her body doesn’t miscarry the alien DNA, I’d like it to stay alive and out of danger.

“Good,” Rose paused, “So when do you wanna tell my mum?” The Doctor looked horrified.
Sarah Jane: Haha, serves you right.
Doctor: Oh do shut up. I’m not that stupid.
Sarah Jane: Well, it’s the end of the chapter. Do you want to read on?
Doctor: Good God, no. I want to go and kill monsters. Ugh, family drama. *shudders* Gives me the willies.
Sarah Jane: Does that mean you don’t want to stop for a cup of tea and a chat with my son?
Doctor: …Oh go on then.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
wimble
Mar. 26th, 2007 11:18 pm (UTC)
Oh my dear god. I guess you shouldn't give the address the original came from. I only ask so I can add it to my filter of banned sites. Yes, really!
sushigal007
Mar. 26th, 2007 11:27 pm (UTC)
Haha, I'm afraid it's one of the many appaling fics on ff.net. Sadly, the bilge far outnumbers the gold. Happily, it's great for finding MST fodder.
dea_matrona
Mar. 26th, 2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
Hurrah! A first entry!

Doctor: No I wouldn’t. I know humans need to pee, I don’t want to watch it happen.

That made me laugh hard. Oh god was that thing bad. Great MST to ease the pain, though.
sushigal007
Mar. 26th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
*grins*
Glad you liked. It was fun to do. I might do the next chapter tomorrow when me and joeybug do more of the House/Doctor Who one.
yuxonomei
Mar. 26th, 2007 11:33 pm (UTC)
Sarah Jane: So are you... you know, anatomically correct?
Doctor: ...


I always thought it would be hilarious if the Doctor turned out to have multiple tentacle penii like the Centauri in Babylon 5.
sushigal007
Mar. 26th, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
Hee, I want to read that in a fic now. ^^
Well, he's been in Earth hospitals and they never mentioned it, so he probably looks human down there, (unless it splits in two when erect...) but it was too good to leave out.
animagiblender
Mar. 27th, 2007 10:33 pm (UTC)
Sarah Jane: Oh that’s not fair, she never gave me tampons when I needed them.

I have this image of oldskool!Sarah Jane just standing in the midst of the TARDIS shouting, "CURSE YOU TARDIS! WHERE ARE MY TAMPONS?!" And Harry being all, "WHat's that old thing?" and she being all, "...Nothing."
sara_wolf
Mar. 28th, 2007 12:22 am (UTC)
Fantastic MST.
qtheallpowerful
Apr. 5th, 2007 08:28 pm (UTC)
Oh my god. It is things like this that keep me off FF net. I am scared and amused at the same time. Some people should not be allowed near the internet. However, you have made it a bit more bearable, and 20 times funnier.
devorgila
Aug. 10th, 2007 07:44 am (UTC)
I know its been a few months but can there be more please?
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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